Smile When you Say That
One of my peeves is when someone thanks me for doing something that I absolutely, postively don't want to do (or had already said I wouldn't do) in the first place. I've been thinking about this lately. Sometimes, sure, you do things you don't want to do or said you wouldn't do or, at work, have clear policies that say 'we don't do that,' and it doesn't make me angry either to do it or to be thanked for it. But the difference is whether it's my choice or not. If it is my choice, then, yes, I chose to do it even though I didn't want to and it's something I appreciate being thanked for--I went the extra mile, I did something I didn't have to, I excercised my own autonomy and authority to take care of the problem, whatever it was.
But, if I didn't decide, if my boss (for example), tells me I have to do it or it's something that just comes--a sudden tsunami of incredibly careless, uncaring people--then don't thank me for it. It wasn't my pleasure, it wasn't nothing. And it's the 'thank you' that irritates me way more than the 'you have to do this' in the first place. It's a reinforcer--someone else had the power and I did not and now they want to pretend it was just a friendly transaction.
On the other hand (and just to confuse the issue completely) being recognized for those efforts in some broad sense...well, that gives power back to me again so, okay.