Things I Know I Know

So this is the sad thing. I put John Henry to sleep yesterday.

You see, his cancer came back. I found out a little over a month ago when I went in to the vet school for his regular quarterly checkup.

So, twelve and a half years old which is, like, the oldest Rottweiler in America (okay, probably not really, but still really, really old). And 26 and a half months after being diagnosed with bone cancer, which is almost unheard of. And he was in really good shape for most of this, able to do everything he wanted to do--go for walks and rides in the car and hang out in the yard.

And it's not enough. It's not.

But while I think he's been happy enough to be here and he hasn't been terribly uncomfortable, I am certain that he's been ready to go since the week of the 4th. He's just been waiting for me to be ready. And last week was a good week. It was a really good week.

Because he would never leave me if he had a choice. He is the one dog I can say that about with absolute certainty. He was my steadfast boy. From, literally, the day I got him, he has never wanted to be anywhere else than with me.

His breeder asked me to take him. He was the last puppy in the litter and he (the breeder) had realized that his temperament was such that he didn't want him to go to just any home. I wasn't going to get a puppy then. I wasn't. But I told the breeder I'd think about it and I took Riley (my dog at the time) for a walk. And when I realized I'd named him in my head, I knew that it was pretty much a done deal. I told the breeder that I would take him but I was going out of town in three days. He said, take him now, let him get used to you and then I'll take him back while you're gone.

So, John Henry came and stayed with me for three days and when I took him back to his breeder to stay while I was out of town, he watched me all the way out the door and into my car. It was that quick. He was my dog from the very first minute.

He got nervous and spun in circles and didn't like men (at the vet school they had this note in his file--"Loves girls, hates men"). He barked at invisible dogs and tried to catch the shadows of light poles as the car passed through them. He was a good and easy traveling companion, always--always!--came when called and in his prime (which was until he was at least eight years old) could jump up and look over the top of a six foot fence.

My female dogs have always been my partners, but John Henry has always been my boy. He did things that scared him because I asked him to. He slept on the bed with me until he broke his leg and then he slept on the floor right next to my head. Even the last week or so, when it got hard to move, he'd still maneuver himself around until he was as close to me as possible. He wanted to know that things would be a certain way and he trusted me to make the world a place that he could handle. I don't know that I always succeeded. But I tried.

John Henry--February 17, 1995-July 21, 2007