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If you remember, the last time we saw Flat Squirrel, it was two and a half blocks from my house.
Tonight, when Billie and I went for a walk it was back in the immediate neighborhood--just one house north of mine on the street corner.
Flat Squirrel totally gets around.
I've been training dogs for a long time and teaching people how to train their dogs for almost as long. I've learned a lot about dogs over that time. And I've learned even more about people--about how we act and how we learn and how to read behaviors.
Sometimes in a group there's a dog, let's say a Golden Retriever (but it could be a big old Newfoundland or a lab or a mix of some kind)--it's a cute dog and it's fluffy and it always behaves for its family--not like those other dogs with their flashy teeth and their loud barking--ill-mannered dogs, always yelling. And this poor, sweet, oh-so-innocent dog, all cute and fluffy, is always getting jumped by the loud, rough dogs. There it is, just walking along and bam!--a loud, rough dog jumps it. It's a shock. Everyone is puzzled. The owner is so upset. My dog never did a thing, they say.
But here's what all that studying of dog behavior teaches you. Your poor 'innocent' dog gets jumped once--well, it probably met a mean, aggressive dog. Your dog gets jumped twice--yeah, probably still innocent. Your dog gets jumped every time it goes out on the street?
Dude, it's not the other dogs.
Just saying....
And in case this was too dog-oriented: If everyone is annoyed with you and, gosh, telling you the same thing--they are not the ones with a problem.
Who, once upon a time, demanded pictures of Upside Down Billie:
I'm still working on pictures of Falling Out of the Chair Billie...
When I got home tonight there were two copies of Best New Paranormal Romance waiting for me, which contains not only my story, but SarahP's story and EBear's story and probably other people I should mention but am blanking on at the moment.
So, yay!! I'll have some more good stuff to read over the holidays.
If you don't like sort of gross stories, don't read this one.
I mean it.
So, Billie's medication sort of makes her hungry all the time, which means when we go for walks she's always finding things that lead to remarks like this:
"Ewww, no, drop it right now!"
She's been utterly fascinated with something in my neighbor's yard two houses to the north ever since we moved here. A week or so ago, she finally dug out the fascinating thing--a really dead, really flat squirrel.
I made her drop it and we went on and we didn't walk in that direction for awhile. Until tonight in fact. And tonight when we went that way I kept her close to me and kept an eye out for the flat squirrel and we didn't see it so I figured either animal control or someone else's dog had picked it up. So, we continue our walk and go up one street and over two blocks and are walking south (so we're, like, two and a half blocks from my house) and Billie dives onto the curbing and comes flying up with--ha, ha! you guessed it--the Flat Squirrel.
So, now, we will have to watch out for Flat Squirrel everywhere we go because clearly it's a squirrel that gets around.
Since I no longer have room in my kitchen for a kitchen table and I do have a huge gigantic front porch, I've been repurposing my kitchen table into a front porch table (it's actually going to be a side table for the sofa this winter because it will fit and I need one and I don't need one on the porch right now, but that was probably more information about this project than you really needed).
Since it desperately needed to be refinished, the second upside to this project is that it's now a much nicer looking table than it was before. I sanded it and painted it and distressed the edges and polyurethaned it. Fortunately, the sanding and painting I was able to do on the front porch because it was still warm enough though I had to move it inside to polyurethane it.
John Henry has been intimately involved in helping me with this project. And lest you think either of these pictures were taken between coats. Or after the paint/polyurethane was dry. Then all I have to say to you is HA!
Tom's comment below reminded me of another conversation I once had with the 'Rottweilers are going to kill you' guy. I thought I'd posted this one before, but can't find it on a search so here it is:
Him (on the phone): I need a videoconferencing account
Me: Ok. Are you going to be putting on meetings because you don't need an account just to attend.
Him: Well, if I don't have an account, how do I get my name to show up instead of 'Guest' when I join the conference?
Me: Type your name instead of typing 'Guest.'
Him: Oh. But, okay, how can people see me when I'm in the conference?
Me: Turn your camera on.
Him: I don't have a camera.
Me: Then people can't see you.
Him: People can see me.
Me: Then you have a camera.
[...Three more rounds of this exact same conversation...]
Me: Hmmm...look, do you have a webcam?
Him: Yes.
Me: That's a camera.
Him: No, it's not.
Me [swearing in my head]: Just use the web cam
Him: Ok. Why didn't you just say that in the first place?
Me: [Falls off chair]
Rather than actually finishing a story (because, really, how useful would that be), I have started a new one, which currently begins with this line:
She drives like a dream, like she is dreaming the road into existence as she drives.
Here's a story: One day this guy who I've worked with (though he's not in my office) for many years comes into my office and sits down, as he has often done over the years. As we're talking this time, he looks up and notices that I have several pictures of Rottweilers in the room. Why he's never noticed this before, I have no idea.
"Are those your dogs?" he asks
"Yes, I have two Rottweilers."
"Those dogs are going to kill you," he says.
"No, actually, they're not," I say. "I've had Rottweilers for sixteen years."
"They will kill you," he insists. "They always turn on their owners and kill them. You need to get rid of them now before they kill you."
Me [laughing]
But here's the thing: this guy knows nothing about Rottweilers. He certainly doesn't know anything like as much as I know about them. But he didn't say, 'I'm surprised you have Rottweilers.' Or 'I've heard they're mean.' Or, 'wow, aren't you afraid those things will kill you.' He said, "They'll kill you." Like he knew what he was talking about. Like I couldn't possibly know what I was talking about. Like assertion and experience are the same.
I have to say, I hate that. And it's endemic on the internets. People confidently and with gusto declare things as fact that are patently no such thing. And you (if you, say, have a fever and are temporarily insane) end up arguing with them as if they have some legitimate point, when really they have no freaking idea what they're talking about. They simply have command of language and a big enough ego that they sound as if they do (or, also, they're really good at yelling louder than everyone else).
People don't always end up looking like experts because they are, in fact, experts. They way too often end up in that position because they sound like they know what they're talking about. That (among a number of other reasons) is why so-called meritocracies end up being no such thing. That's why experts are overrated. That's why when someone says 'I know what I'm talking about and here's why.' One might, you know, actually listen to them.
A cozy fire in the fireplace and two dogs sleeping on the couch with me.
Plus, my kitchen ceiling no longer leaks...
The current GOP-ish spin after the elections this week is that it was conservative Democrats who won (so things will be totally just like they are now--conservatives rule, baby) which is so idiotic that you have to wonder how the journalists who go for stuff like this manage to actually get up and make coffee in the morning.
I have long functioned under the theory that no one ever gets out of eighth grade, but most of the current national pundits and reporters just make me want to say, "What are you? Five?" Look, folks, it's time to grow up, get a brain, and realize that you are completely out of touch with most of America.
On the other hand, here is the 100 hour agenda of our new conservative overlords:
Day One: Put new rules in place to "break the link between lobbyists and legislation."Day Two: Enact all the recommendations made by the commission that investigated the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.
Time remaining until 100 hours: Raise the minimum wage to $7.25 an hour, maybe in one step. Cut the interest rate on student loans in half. Allow the government to negotiate directly with the pharmaceutical companies for lower drug prices for Medicare patients.
Broaden the types of stem cell research allowed with federal funds _ "I hope with a veto-proof majority," she added in an Associated Press interview Thursday.
All the days after that: "Pay as you go," meaning no increasing the deficit, whether the issue is middle class tax relief, health care or some other priority.
I can go with that for now.
Totally the best weather combination ever.
Also, it was 70 on Wednesday.
Update: There is now actual snow on the ground and plenty of it. Sadly, the thunder has stopped.